The Campervanning Commandments
Hear ye! Hear ye! The campervan gods have spoken! Essentially, campervanning the Studio Vans way is mostly just about not being a dick. It’s actually not that hard, but just to be safe, have a read anyway.
To The Left
While driving, at every passing place, always pull in to your left. Never the right. Beyoncé didn’t tell you to go to the right; Bey made it very clear: to the left.
Leave No Trace
That means you take your dirty nappies and dog poop away with you please – plus every other kind of litter or nonsensical crap you might have on your person. No one wants to deal with questionable debris while wandering wistfully through the machair.
Do Pass Me By
We get it – you’re driving along, soaking up the scenery, going at 40 mph… That’s fine, no one minds if you want to drive below the speed limit, as long as you let those behind you past. People live and work here, and have places to be – your holiday is their home. Pull in at passing places (to the left to the left) regularly to let vehicles behind you past. Now, doesn’t that feel freeing?
You Don’t Own Me
Yes, Scotland has the Right to Roam, and very lovely it is too. But it doesn’t actually include motorhomes – so, no, you can’t park anywhere you please. If it’s not an obvious spot like a campsite or carpark – for example, if you’re trying to rock up in a field – then you need to ask the landowner if you can park there overnight. They don’t bite. Often.
Pass It On
This should be obvious but… never park overnight in a passing place. We won’t insult you by explaining why – you’re clearly an intelligent human; we appreciate that about you.
Don’t Sand So Close To Me
Going back to the machair, you should know that it is a sacred landmass, unique to the Western Isles and Northwest Ireland, where a square metre can house up to 40 plant species. And while we encourage you to follow your own path, that doesn’t mean your vehicle should tear up a new one in these delicate dunes. Dedicated tracks and carparks are generally provided in beautiful areas – use them.
Burn Baby Burn
In other, not unrelated, news, fires and barbecues on the machair create eroding sandy holes for years to come. Have a bonfire, by all means, but do so on the beach and ideally on the rocks. We don’t care what you do at your bonfire, dance around it naked chanting nursery rhymes for all we care, but put it out properly before you head to the land of nod.
You Say It Best
Learn a few phrases of the local language – it’s good manners, and you’d do it if you were in another country, wouldn’t you? Gaelic is spoken in the Hebrides, so learn “hello [halò]”, “thank you [tapadh leibh]” and “goodbye [mar sin leibh]” at the minimum. As an endangered language, you’re doing your bit to keep it alive, and people will appreciate that more than you think.
Dump It Right
Never, and we mean ever, dump your tanks into toilets, or any waterways like streams. Dump them at chemical disposal points only. It might feel minor to you, but the delicate ecosystems out here don’t want nasty chemicals killing off their wildlife. You’re here because it’s beautiful; do your part to keep it that way.
Be Covid Kind
Communities have less medical facilities and equipment here than you might be used to, so be sensitive to that when using shared spaces like shops and eateries during a pandemic. It’s polite to still keep your social-distance, use antibacterial handwash before touching things, and it’s necessary to follow the guidelines about mask-wearing. Don’t be that guy.
Let It Rain
Saying that, do shop locally. One of the main issues locals often have with campervanners is when they don’t put their money where their campervan is. So go to the local supermarket and giftshops, try out the smokery and eat out at least once for a meal. It’s the right thing to do. Warning: social interaction does pose the risk of finding yourself at an afterhours ceilidh dancing into the wee small hours – don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Campervan Rules
Studio Vans Journal Stories
By Freya Herring